Grit + Grease: part 1
Self-care is required in order to reorient, stabilize, and establish a safe environment for healing from betrayal trauma…
—but that doesn’t mean it’s all candles, bubble baths, and feeling charts.
One of the first things I tell my clients is that it’s time to get their tough girl on — they’re going to have to dig deep to get through this season of recovery.
Sweet friend, I’m sorry that you are in this place… in the aftermath of a breach of trust.
And though I have wanted it myself, healing doesn’t come with a polished script to follow. It doesn’t come with PTO or a leisurely timeline.
It won’t happen because you found some advice online or bought the book that promises it.
And while a toolbox of tools is great to have — they won’t do you any good if they just sit in the box.
I mean, you don’t get big muscles because you own a gym, you get them by using the weights when you get there, right??
It takes GRIT + GREASE.
Well, healing looks a lot like TRAINING — learning the form, understanding the function, and then putting in the reps day after day.
You’ve got to set the alarm, get dressed, show up, and quit with the excuses.
You’ve got to want to get better — and be better.
Effective training will always cost something: sacrifice, money, pain, and often, pride.
Who feels like showing up in public emotionally drained, with puffy eyes and a snot-crusted shirt you’ve had on for three days?
Who feels like going through a tough workout led by someone who looks like a muscle-god when you feel like a blubbery fool?
Not many of us, right?
But for those who are serious about wanting to heal, grow, and change the only thing within their control — they show up anyway.
They submit to the training anyway.
They follow their coach’s advice anyway.
THAT’S GRIT.
“Go to the gym?? It’s too much, too hard, too soon! I need more time to grieve and adjust to what happened!”
Sister, I get it. I’ve said it. I’ve heard it.
I’m not suggesting you stuff your feelings or pretend there isn’t a hurricane wrecking havoc on your life — but I am saying this:
• You can go through the motions and fake the fine for an hour.
• You can take your anger out on the weights.
• You can clear your mind on the turf.
• You can be tough for an hour… and then take that bubble bath and cry.
THIS is the practice.
And it’s humbling, painful, inconvenient, and interspersed with moments of doubt and discouragement.
But the pity party is over — everyone else left.
So it’s up to you to rise up and decide you’re going to meet the challenge.
And I promise: You can do this.
Getting Personal: Lessons My Son Never Knew He Was Teaching Me
The closest real-life example I have of commitment, grit, and grease is my youngest son Isaiah, who has been showing up for the hard — even willingly taking it on — his whole life.
As a little guy with brothers three and five years older, he learned to keep up and hold his own because he had to. And that fire has served him well.
He’s always been goal-driven, competitive, and a creative — having so many ideas and interests that by the time he was six, I started calling them his “crush of the month.”
At ten years old, he completed Tony Horton’s 90-day fitness challenge (P90X) with his dad.
By tenth grade, he had started Mountain Mover — selling faith-based shirts and hats.
I have watched him take on so many things — some of them hard to witness as a mom, some even painful to allow — but all of them necessary in shaping his character and purpose.
He keeps training.
His body.
His mind.
His faith.
He was training…
When he left for school in Arizona knowing no one.
When he left Arizona after realizing the life he wanted wasn’t actually his.
When he slept on a couch and delivered newspapers at 4 a.m. in Portland to pay rent.
When he immersed himself in learning from mentors, pastors, thinkers, and leaders.
When he chose faith over his flesh.
He was training…
When he and Courtney came home, young, in love, unsure, but committed — getting married at barely 21.
When the days of building, fixing, lifting, hauling, and calling were long.
When he was baptized with his dad.
When he became a father.
He was training…
When he worked years to learn the gym industry from the ground up.
When he chose pay cuts — or no paycheck — just to keep other employees paid.
When he decided to train for a marathon and crushed it.
When he, Courtney, and their team competed in Ragnar, then Hyrox, then a half-triathlon, then another Hyrox — consistently exceeding their own goals.
When his “crush of the month” mindset became his way of life.
That’s what I want for you. For my clients.
I want you to practice the healing tools until they become your normal — because once they are, your circumstances won’t rock you the same way, and your pain won’t linger like it used to.
THAT’S ELBOW GREASE.
Why I’m Sharing Their Story
Isaiah and Courtney have been in training for their next “race” for over two years — and on December 6, they officially hit the course when they launch The Yard Gym – Holland.
He’s the first to acknowledge that he didn’t get here alone…that he couldn’t do what he does without the incredible support of Courtney and the girls, their amazing friends, family and gym members.
Isaiah also speaks often of how great their Gym Family is and how their loyalty, patience and support has meant the world to him. And so it is for all of you that he stays committed and confident—for he truly believes that the One who began this work will be faithful to complete it.
If you know them, drop a heart on their socials (@isaiahhaverdink + @courtney.haverdink) and some encouragement on @TheYardGymHolland or @TheYardGym_GrandHaven—it would mean a lot to them.
If you don’t know them — I invite you to follow their journey!
YAY!!!
The newest YARD GYM is almost here, offering a high-end fitness experience at a rate that reflects the commitment and quality of its staff and members.
It’s all the rage in Australia, California, and now, it’s here for you in West Michigan!
“Jodie, Why Are You Promoting Your Son’s Business on your blog?”
Fair question.
I believe in training. Recovering from infidelity takes long, hard, consistent work.
Motivation will wane. Pain will overwhelm. The process will exhaust you.
And I know — firsthand — the power of routine, strength-building, discipline, and consistency in recovery.
So I want to let my clients take a test drive for free.
On Monday, I’ll be posting Part 2 of this series, sharing more of my personal healing story and the offer I mentioned in my email — worth 2 free months of membership (and more) at The Yard Gym.
Because this isn’t just emotional work.
It’s personal, physical work. And it’s work that will reveal the real you.
Always in your corner,
Jodie Haverdink
The Partner’s Coach
